A neurodivergent-positive model for adults experiencing oppositional responses under cognitive or emotional stress.
In the previous article, we challenged the conventional view of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in adults—reframing it not as a behavioural flaw, but as a signal of unmet needs, emotion dysregulation, and unresolved power dynamics.
But reframing alone isn’t enough.
If we agree that “defiance” can sometimes be a form of misunderstood self-advocacy, the next question is: what do we do with that knowledge?
This is where the CRAE Framework—Constructive Resistance & Adaptive Engagement—comes in. Designed with neurodivergent adults in mind (especially those with ADHD), CRAE helps individuals move beyond impulsive resistance or blind compliance.
It provides a structure to pause, reflect, and respond—whether that means engaging with a demand or resisting it with clarity and purpose. It’s not about obedience or rebellion. It’s about agency.
This acronym captures the heart of the framework:
Constructive Resistance: The capacity to oppose demands or authority when necessary, but in a way that is intentional, needs-based, and non-destructive. It reframes resistance as a form of self-advocacy and boundary-setting rather than defiance for its own sake.
Adaptive Engagement: The skill of responding to demands or instructions with clarity, flexibility, and self-regulation—engaging when it is appropriate and possible, and knowing how to navigate or negotiate when it’s not.
The CRAE framework offers a path for adults (especially those with ADHD or emotional dysregulation) to move beyond reactive “no” or compliant “yes” into a nuanced, self-aware process of interaction.
Let’s explore how to turn emotional resistance into thoughtful response—and defiance into dialogue.
Core Assumption
Oppositional behaviours in adults—particularly those with ADHD—are often:
Expressions of unmet cognitive, emotional, or autonomy needs
Triggered by poorly communicated expectations, invalidation, or excessive cognitive load
Exacerbated by past experiences of being misunderstood, coerced, or dismissed
This framework does not aim to eliminate oppositionality but distinguish between:
Defensive resistance rooted in dysregulation
Constructive resistance rooted in unmet needs or ethical concerns
Engaged participation enabled by clarity, support, and trust
Framework Pillars
1. Recognition: Identify the Trigger
What is my current state? (Emotionally, cognitively)
What has been asked of me?
What do I feel about the request?
What does this remind me of?
💬 “I’m noticing I’m reacting strongly. Is this about the current moment or something older?”
This stage helps to create pause between demand and reaction, allowing space for reflection over impulsive rejection.
2. Clarification: Decode the Need
This step engages executive function—What’s missing from the instruction or interaction?
Needs often fall into three domains:
💬 “I’m willing to engage, but I need to understand what the priority is, or why this matters now.”
This prevents opposition from becoming habitual by empowering the individual to identify what they need to comply without losing dignity.
3. Regulation: Address Internal State
This is especially critical for ADHDers and others with dysregulation patterns. Before engagement is possible:
Is my working memory flooded?
Am I in a fight-or-flight state?
Do I need to self-soothe or pause before I can respond?
💬 “I need five minutes to come back to this calmly.”
This avoids escalation and prevents "constructive resistance" from becoming reactive or self-sabotaging.
4. Response: Choose Your Engagement Mode
✅ Adaptive Engagement
"Yes, I can do that now that I understand what’s needed."
"I’ll need this information first, but I’m open to working on it."
⚠️ Constructive Resistance
"I have concerns about this approach—can we talk alternatives?"
"I don’t feel this request is reasonable without clearer justification or shared input."
❌ Unregulated Rejection
"I’m not doing this—this is stupid."
"You don’t get to tell me what to do."
This stage builds executive decision-making skills—when to move forward, when to negotiate, and when to stand firm, without defaulting to rejection or blind compliance.
5. Repair or Rebuild (if needed)
If a situation escalates or a demand was rejected unskillfully:
Can the relationship or task be re-entered with better framing?
Can accountability be taken for reactive behaviour without self-shaming?
💬 “I reacted quickly because I felt overwhelmed. Here’s what I need next time.”
This closes the loop and reinforces self-awareness + relational integrity.
Practical Uses
For ADHD coaching, this gives structure to explore moments of resistance or shutdown.
For workplace inclusion, it invites managers to participate in better communication and co-regulation.
For self-development, it trains the ADHDer to see their own resistance not as a flaw, but a signal of unmet needs.
Example Use Case
Scenario: An ADHDer is given a vague instruction by a manager: “Can you just take care of this today?”
Instead of freezing, avoiding, or pushing back, the individual uses CRAE:
Recognition: I’m getting frustrated. This is vague.
Clarification: What does 'this' refer to exactly? What’s the priority?
Regulation: I’m on edge—I’ll take 3 minutes to breathe.
Response: “I’d like to help—can you clarify what success looks like for this task?”
Summary
The CRAE Framework helps transform oppositional reactions into:
Empowered participation
Boundaried resistance
Self-regulated engagement
It’s not about removing resistance—it’s about making resistance intentional, informed, and self-respecting.
